the argument re "playful banter" feels a bit harsh? or like, there's a skillful way to do banter that's not just an insult like "you suck", and there is an equilibrium here that's not just wanting to win all the time. there's also an equilibrium of a mixed strategy between "going high" and "going low", in a world where everyone is happy to yes-and you. like:
> A: ah crap, forgot to carry the one
> B: sounds like a skill issue
> A: yeah, you're the expert on arithmetic, right?
> B: would never make a mistake like that myself!
> [A and B both laugh]
here, B plays the "go high" card, and A obliges by playing "go low". both players know it's just a game, and they laugh about it. next time A might play "go high", and B might play "go low", or whatever
i think it's a matter of relationship preference, i guess. i definitely have some friends who i'm happy to play this kinda game with, and i know some people whom i'd never play this game with
I do think now that all four quadrants of ["respect niceness", "respect meanness"] x ["superficially nice", "superficially mean"] are possible. So a culture like you described could easily be "superficially mean" + "respect niceness," which is great! it's just that in my personal experience, they tend to go together
the argument re "playful banter" feels a bit harsh? or like, there's a skillful way to do banter that's not just an insult like "you suck", and there is an equilibrium here that's not just wanting to win all the time. there's also an equilibrium of a mixed strategy between "going high" and "going low", in a world where everyone is happy to yes-and you. like:
> A: ah crap, forgot to carry the one
> B: sounds like a skill issue
> A: yeah, you're the expert on arithmetic, right?
> B: would never make a mistake like that myself!
> [A and B both laugh]
here, B plays the "go high" card, and A obliges by playing "go low". both players know it's just a game, and they laugh about it. next time A might play "go high", and B might play "go low", or whatever
i think it's a matter of relationship preference, i guess. i definitely have some friends who i'm happy to play this kinda game with, and i know some people whom i'd never play this game with
oh hmm that's a good point
I do think now that all four quadrants of ["respect niceness", "respect meanness"] x ["superficially nice", "superficially mean"] are possible. So a culture like you described could easily be "superficially mean" + "respect niceness," which is great! it's just that in my personal experience, they tend to go together