Cultures That Value Niceness

maybe empty compliments aren't so empty after all

one - blobheart culture

A while ago, some of my MOP friends were complaining about “blobheart culture”—in particular, they disliked the surface-level niceness and empty compliments.

But I think even that part can be valuable.

What does a culture where people just give each other random compliments that don't necessarily mean anything look like?

It looks like a culture that values niceness.

Even if a lot of these compliments don't have any substance, and are completely neutral to the recipient, they still have a super important second-order effect: collectively, they make compliment-giving part of the culture. Collectively, they shift our respect to those who give genuinely good compliments and brighten our day.

To fully appreciate this, we should look at what the opposite looks like. What would that be?

It would be a community where everyone's insulting each other.

Sounds crazy, right?

Well, it's actually super common.

We call it "playful banter".

And sure, in these communities, the banter doesn't actually mean anything. As in, my friends could tell me "You suck!", and I wouldn't think twice about it.

So just like before, the first-order effects of this are also neutral.

But the second-order effect is completely reversed—now, garnering respect means winning arguments, accusing your friends of skill issues, and getting your way rather than yielding to others.

And I’m not sure how I feel about that.

two - so what do we do?

The world is too large for us to change it all at once. But we can make the communities around us better.

And this starts with guarding what we already have at all costs.

We already have blobheart culture: a stable equilibrium where, to be well-respected, you have to be nice—where being mean is just something that you don't do.

I think this is really special.

And I think we can learn from it too.

If we’re mindful about it, we can build strong communities that, fundamentally, hold niceness as a core value.

And with that, we can make the world a better place, one community at a time.